Tech Jokes

Curated list of tech jokes I have found on the internet and have been sharing on twitter.

Joke Date Added
After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft. 3-Oct-2013
Did you hear about the cell phones that got married? The wedding was terrible, but the reception… 10-Oct-2013
I was looking inside my computer yesterday and I burnt my finger on my processor. It Mhz. 24-Oct-2013
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s password? A: 1forrest1 31-Oct-2013
There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple. 14-Nov-2013
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist. 28-Nov-2013
Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. 2-Jan-2014
Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 23-Jan-2014
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! 30-Jan-2014
People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. 6-Feb-2014
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped? 27-Feb-2014
Jokes about controls. They’re not even remotely funny. 13-Mar-2014
You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it. 20-Mar-2014
I told girlfriend to get me newspaper. Don’t be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what hit it. 27-Mar-2014
Changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now. 3-Apr-2014
I dropped my cellphone, now I have to buy a new floor. #90sProblems #Nokia #Phones 10-Apr-2014
Don’t have phone sex. You may get hearing aids. 17-Apr-2014
This printer is called Bob Marley because it is always jammin. 24-Apr-2014
Something is wrong with my phone. The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It’s very odd. 1-May-2014
Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor. 8-May-2014
Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board. 15-May-2014
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. 22-May-2014
The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in. 29-May-2014
My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings. 5-Jun-2014
He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz. 12-Jun-2014
I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot. 19-Jun-2014
My computer isn’t that nervous…it’s just a bit ANSI. 3-Jul-2014
The toaster is simply broken – I didn’t enable a pop-up blocker. 10-Jul-2014
Do witches run spell checkers? 17-Jul-2014
What does a baby computer call his father? Data. 24-Jul-2014
What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk. 31-Jul-2014
What is a computer’s first sign of old age? Loss of memory. 7-Aug-2014
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. 14-Aug-2014
I got 1100011 problems but a bit ain’t one. 21-Aug-2014
Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don’t C# 28-Aug-2014
All my nudes are stored on my flash-drive. 4-Sep-2014
There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet. 11-Sep-2014
Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 18-Sep-2014
What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard? A screensaver! 25-Sep-2014
What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website! 1-Oct-2014
My Google Chrome browser is acting weird. Better keep tabs on the situation. 9-Oct-2014
I recently discovered that if I add iron to lithium,I can create LiFe! 30-Oct-2014
I just ordered a chicken and egg off the internet to see which one comes first … I’ll keep you posted 6-Nov-2014
Q: What do computers eat for a snack? A: Microchips! 13-Nov-2014
Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a computer keyboard? A: The space bar. 20-Nov-2014
Q: What do you call it when you have your Grandma on speed dial? A: Instagram 27-Nov-2014
Q: Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance 4-Dec-2014
Why are Assembly programmers always soaking wet? They work below C-level 11-Dec-2014
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn’t get arrays. 18-Dec-2014
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland? A: Nerdic. 25-Dec-2014
Feminist Unix Command : man bash 1-Jan-2015
Q: Why did the database administrator leave his wife? A: She had one-to-many relationships 8-Jan-2015
I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet 15-Jan-2015
How did the computer programmer get out of prison? He used the escape key 22-Jan-2015
Q: What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard? A: Sorry, you’re not my type 29-Jan-2015
Where are delinquent disk drives sent? To boot camp! 5-Feb-2015
What does a computer do at the beach? Put on screensaver and surf the net 12-Feb-2015
What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac. 19-Feb-2015
How did the smartphone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring 26-Feb-2015
Why does the TV like the remote? Because it turns it on! 5-Mar-2015
Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails? She was always using fowl language 12-Mar-2015
Have you got the address of the butter website? Yes, but don’t spread it around 19-Mar-2015
What do you call a laptop in the ocean? A Dell, rolling in the deep! 26-Mar-2015
If Monday was a browser, it would be Internet Explorer 2-Apr-2015
If we were on the same domain, we could share cookies together 9-Apr-2015
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under 16-Apr-2015
Why did the email do so well at the party? Because he was an outgoing message 23-Apr-2015
I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing 7-May-2015
Do you know how to back that NAS up? 14-May-2015
Hamlet: To be or not to be… Programmer: True 21-May-2015
Chuck Norris runs Android on his iPhone 28-May-2015
Do you want to hear a dirty joke? Ok. A white HTC Hero fell in the mud 4-Jun-2015
Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache 11-Jun-2015
How do trees get on the Internet? They log in 18-Jun-2015
What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080p 25-Jun-2015
Why did the computer crash? It had a bad driver 02-Jul-2015
I just created a new computer virus that only targets Apple. It’s a worm 09-Jul-2015
The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology 16-Jul-2015
I tried to look up impotence on the Internet but nothing came up 17-Jul-2015
New app with all of Shakespeare’s insults: Angry Bards 6-Aug-2015
My internet addiction is so bad … it’s alt of ctrl 20-Aug-2015
What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google 27-Aug-2015
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the computer? Because they can’t stop saving their work 3-Sep-2015
Chuck Norris can take a screenshot of his blue screen 10-Sep-2015
Why does no one like SQLrillex? He keeps dropping the database 17-Sep-2015
Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost all of its contacts 24-Sep-2015
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin 1-Oct-2015
Why was the computer tired when he got home? Because he had a hard drive 8-Oct-2015
#chucknorris { color: #BADA55; } 15-Oct-2015
Did you hear about that new state of the art jackhammer technology? Groundbreaking … 22-Oct-2015
When I had my Xbox stolen, my family were there to console me 5-Nov-2015
What is a cursor? Someone having computer problems 12-Nov-2015
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses 19-Nov-2015
The worst name for an Apple Store employee. Sam Sung. 26-Nov-2015
My son is so lazy he would not empty the trash in the computer recycle bin! 10-Dec-2015
Internet Explorer: At least we still have each other. White Crayon: Yeah 17-Dec-2015
CAPS LOCK Preventing Login Since 1980. 24-Dec-2015
Don’t fart in the apple store. They don’t have Windows 7-Jan-2016
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I 14-Jan-2016
I was progressing well as a computer technician until I lost the drive 21-Jan-2016
Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi 28-Jan-2016
Why do keyboards not sleep? Because they have two shifts 4-Feb-2016
Part-time bandleaders should be called semi-conductors 11-Feb-2016
3 DBAs walked into a NOSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn’t find a table. 18-Feb-2016
iPod: Hey buds! Headphones: Sup player? 25-Feb-2016
A: Now that is a drive letter I have not seen in a long time. 3-Mar-2016
Girls. How to break an IT guy’s heart? Tell him, “Error 411” 10-Mar-2016
What kind of beer do Linux system admins drink? Root beer. 17-Mar-2016
What did one programmer write on the other programmer’s birthday card? [“hip”,”hip”] (hip hip array, get it?) 24-Mar-2016
Buying a new phone; Store assistant : 16GB or 32GB option; Customer : How many photos of cute animals is that? 31-Mar-2016
Where do cool mice live? In a mousepad! 7-Apr-2016
Sleep. There’s a nap for that. 14-Apr-2016
What country is next to USA? USB 21-Apr-2016
Do you ever wonder why when your computer overheats, it freezes? 28-Apr-2016
Why were the breakfast potatoes chasing each other? Hash Tag 5-May-2016
How do functions break up? They stop calling each other. 12-May-2016
I know HTML – How To Meet Ladies 19-May-2016
Grandma : Tracking my cookies? You will never get my recipe internet. 26-May-2016
Computer programs for gambling need beta testing. 9-Jun-2016
Why did the web developer leave the restaurant? Because of the table layout. 23-Jun-2016
Wrote a joke about those internet pop ups that tell you you’ve won a free iPhone. You won’t get it. 30-Jun-2016
“I hate audio correct.” 28-Jul-2016
One day YouTube, Twitter and Facebook will come together as one and be called YouTwitFace. 18-Aug-2016
Why was the technician fumbling in the dark looking for RAM sticks? It was so dimm. 8-Sep-2016
What do you call a smartphone that smokes weed? A HIGH-tech gadget. 15-Sep-2016
What’s a financial programmers favourite scent? Int cents. 22-Sep-2016
What do you call an innovation in scissors? Cutting-edge technology. 29-Sep-2016
Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs. 6-Oct-2016
Why did the computer go to the dentist? Because it had Bluetooth. 13-Oct-2016
I wonder what Edward Scissorhands thinks of touchscreen technology. 20-Oct-2016
Why did Microsoft name their new search engine BING? Because It’s Not Google! 3-Nov-2016
An IPv4 address walks into the bar and yells, “Bartender! Give me a cider, I’m exhausted!” 10-Nov-2016
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer …oh wait, he does. 17-Nov-2016
Every morning is the dawn of a new error… 24-Nov-2016
A Californian man has invented a robotic parking attendant. He’s calling it the Silicon Valet! 8-Dec-2016
I’m never using the cloud in a million years. I’m sending the boss a gmail to tell him so. 29-Dec-2016
I walked down a street and the houses were numbered 1GB, 2GB, 4GB and 8GB. It was a trip down memory lane. 29-Dec-2016
What do you call a virus that affects the command line? A terminal illness. 5-Jan-2017
What do you call a computer expert? A control-alt-elite. 9-Feb-2017
What did the IT Specialist wear to the Halloween party? 255.255.255.0 9-Mar-2017
I needed a password that was 8 characters long so I chose Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. 27-Apr-2017